Muckle O has informed Skeeter and Peerie O that indeedy the long game for Caladonia is finally coming to fruition. The origins of Irn Bru have long been misunderstood. After the horrendous beating the clans took at Culloden, there was very little to eat or drink. Water was the only thing that was in plentiful supply and in order top get a bit of variety in the diet, they commenced brewing the water with the swords/spears/axes etc of the vanquished clansmen. A strange discovery then ensued….after consuming the new beverage the consumee cold only walk in a northerly direction.
Over the years the realisation of the magnetic properties of this beverage became apparent. Scotland then decided to create the myth that Irn Bru was made from girders and that it had “toughening up” properties. Finally the old enemy has commenced consumption of the beverage and the master plan is swinging into action.
The Scottish government have brokerd a deal with CERN and is buying the crap electromagnet which keeps breaking in the hadron collider. It will be constructed at Culloden and turned on when enough windmills have been constructed to power it. This will result in all recent consumers of Irn Bru being dragged up the UK to Culloden. However gone are the days of barbarism, death and disembowelling and stuff….were a progressive multicultural country now. Instead there will be enforced singing of “Donald Where’s your Troosers,” kilt wearing, and signing over of all good football players to the Scottish squad and haggis eating. Lessons will be undertaken to ensure the correct pronounciation of “och” as opposed to the usual feeble southern softy attempt of “ock.”
Failure to comply with the latter could result in minor disembowling….