Muckle Ossa's Eatery Guide - Harbour Cafe, Lerwick

Peerie O and Fladda have been oot an aboot and their travels took the to the Harbour Café in Lerook. So here follows the appraisal for the O’s Gastronomic Guide. Noo Peerie O being a bit weird aboot eatin anything that has not been boiled for a least ½ an hour (PO’s Grannys best tip for a long and healthy life!!) has not sampled some of the fayre on offer at this Fast Food Emporium but has it on the authority of Muckle that they are one of the few FFE’s that actually can do crispy bacon. If you ask for that that’s what you get! However quantities can vary depending on the day. They do a large varied selection of fried breakfast stuff that you crave if it’s cold and/or have hangover and/or need saturated fat and/or your latest faddy diet which involves eating nothing but food with a name ending in “root” has made it a medical need. Lunch time again standard fayre soup, rolls, pasta and fried stuff. Fast, hot and cheap (the food). Only frozen chips - but you do get a small mountain of them when ordered. Strangely though, sometimes the food looks like what you ordered and smells like what you ordered but is void of any taste. A bit like the lip balm that Muckle favours…..

Anyhoo all important ratings.....

Staff – Neesik

Food – jellyfish mostly although sometimes it can be neesikesque…depends on the day.

Muckle Ossa’s Eatery Guide - Harbour Fish & Chips (Lerwick)

This is a new service offered by MO. It is a very simple guide to the comestable outlets in the land of Shetlie. We work by 5 basic criteria.

1. Temperature of food

2. Speed of delivery to patron/s

3. Amount of edible stuff on plate (not counting salad!)

4. Cost

5. Proper chips (i.e. a tattie, peeled, cut and fried onsite)

A summary of the above will give a 'pickling mix' overall nosh emporium rating:

Best...........“Floats my tattie”

Good..........“My tattie is like a neesik, brackin da surface sometimes”

Owerweel....“My tattie is like a jellyfish, hingin idda water”

Worst.........“Need a Rock Hopper ta fin my tattie glued tae da bottom”

Shetland is famed for the food it can produce locally however it must be said it is rare when any of the locally produced stuff lands on your table. A pet hate of the Ossas is frozen chips….anyhoo this preamble will be added to as we think of other titbits for your information.

Harbour Fish & Chips, Lerwick - First Impressions

Being cutting edge and frontiersman the intrepid Ossas’ went out this day to sample the delights of the new comestable outlet near the Lerwick AAAAAAAAAArbour, more commonly known as the new Harbour Fish and Chip Shop. This is the first days opening and first impressions is that there are a small army of staff milling around the brand new and very shiny (with blue lights) friers and foodstuff display cabinets. All very courtious and nice, however a certain lack of knowing what was happening was evident. Ossa is aware that this is the first day and will update later with hopefully more positive news on this front. Ossa noticed that the batter looked a tad anaemeic however this may just be the batter mix. The donor lamb was rotating away nicely but there was confusion on the slicing of said lamb. The chilli sauce was strangely minty and not very chillified. There was an extensive menu covering anything from soup and sandwichs to a “munchbox” Ossa has decreed that you will have to investigate that one yourself. Ossa will have to revisit in order to see if progress is made.

Harbour Fish & Chips, Lerwick - SCORE

1. Temperature – Similar to the weather outside….

2. Speed – not olympic luge, more tai chi

3 Amount - ok

4 Cost – not outwith the realms of fantasy

5 Proper chips (i.e. a tattie, peeled, cut and fried onsite) – not sampled
Overall Rating:
Owerweel....“My tattie is like a jellyfish, hingin idda water”

It must be stated however, that this was the first day of openeing of this new trough emporuim & as such, a few allowances have been made. Hopefully after the obligatory 'settling in' period the ambience/service/nosh quality will improve. A re-visit will be scheduled sometime. It should be noted that this grub emporium has exceptional opening hours - Mon to Thurs. 07:00 to late and Friday/Saturday from 07:00 to 03:00....extraordinary.

Look oot for more eatery evaluations in the days/weeks/months/millenia ahead..........

Da Ossas