The Shetland Islands Coooooncil has announced they will be lowering the drink drive limit in Leeeeerwick (excluding Scallywag), but has reassured drinkers weekend rules will remain unchanged.
The changes were put forward after a recent study showed reactions of 'Toonies' were ‘moderately subdued’ after a four-pack of 9% Special Brew. The same study accidentally killed 4 Orcadians.
The Zetland convenor acknowledged this wasn’t the first time a drink-drive study had been carried out on the subject, but said it was the first it was not done “by a bunch of English poofters”.
Under the proposed changes, drink driving would only be allowed if ‘completely necessary’ — at weddings, funerals, Friday & Saturday nights and on birthdays & any other day with a "y" in the name.
The changes have been met with some anger in Papa Stour (wha give a monkeys), with opponents saying tens of millions will lose their jobs and billions of pubs will close down in Englandcestershire resulting in nationwide suicides of pub landlords forcing thousands of orphans to live on the streets. Supporters have counted these claims with “Whatever”.
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